Meeting Her Family

The holiday season if often a crucial turning point for dating couples. Every year between Thanksgiving and New Year's, there are countless engagements that occur, and just as many break-ups. I've wondered for many years, why the break ups? Is it the pressure of finding the perfect Christmas present? Or is it the short days and gloomy skies that put people in an unromantic mood? It could be either of these things, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that it's the pressure we guys put on ourselves when it comes to meeting her family. When she says "I want you to meet my parents," we instantly start to feel sweat bead up on our foreheads. We know that this means crossing the threshold from casual dating into a serious, long-term relationship. So, yes, of course it is a big deal. But no, you don't need to freak out about it. Keep a few tips and tricks in mind to keep your first meeting with her family as smooth and relaxed as possible.



Have a background conversation with your girlfriend:

Before meeting your girlfriend's family, you should know quite a bit about them. Ask your girlfriend about what they do for a living, and what their interests are. If her Aunt Mary is going to be at Christmas dinner, it would be appropriate for you to be able to shake her hand and say, "You must be Aunt Mary. I've heard so much about your admirable work with (fill in the blank here.)" If her dad likes to spit and swear, you should know this. If he is super conservative and has never uttered the f-word in his whole life, you should know this, too. If your girlfriend has a hard time answering questions about her family, ask her to tell you some stories from when they were growing up. You'll then get a good feel for her family and their lifestyle.



Dress appropriately:

Before you even open your mouth, you can spoil a first meeting with her parents by not dressing appropriately. Now of course, what is appropriate depends on the occasion. If you're dining out at a nice restaurant, a tie and a sport jacket are essentials. Pick a tie stylethat you feel suits your personality, and don't be afraid to wear a colorful or fashion forward tie for a social gathering. If you will be dining at a family member's house, you can dress slightly less formally, but still nicely. A pair of gray or black wool trousers with a button down shirt, tie, and v-neck sweater would be appropriate. If you are going to be dressing out of a suitcase and will not have the opportunity to iron, pack a pair of wrinkle resistant khaki chinos instead.



Be as sincere and polite as possible:

When you meet her family for the first time, it will be hard not to feel like they're evaluating your every word. But the holidays bring with them a myriad of festivities and distractions, so don't get too overwhelmed, because her family will be paying attention to things like cookies and presents, too. If her family has a holiday tradition that is super important to them, make sure you participate (regardless of how silly it may seem to you). If her mom cooks a meal that you secretly think is gross, you don't have to pretend like you adore it. An appropriate comment would be, "This green Jello salad is very interesting. How did you make it?" If you are staying overnight at her parents' house and they put you in separate rooms, don't make a big deal out of it, and certainly don't disobey their wishes. Be extra attentive to your girlfriend while in her family's presence, as they will certainly be noticing how you treat her. Remember, actions do speak louder than words.